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October 2009 
Do you use relationships as your mirror?
Posted on May 16th, 2009
by 
Centria
Centria
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for May 10, 2009:
You know how you just sit down to meditate and pretty soon you're thinking about mirrors. Like, is everything we see really a mirror? So you need to go searching back through the Q & R until you find the one which discusses relationships as mirrors...and forget about the meditation. Let's meditate instead on those little glass mirrors that you hold up to yourself or the world.
Opinion as of 9:59 this morning: Relationships are mirrors; Relationships are not mirrors. They're both. I think we kinda get into shaky ground when we steadfastly hold the view that they are totally mirrors, or when we steadfastly decide they're not mirrors at all.
Sometimes the world mirrors us and we can learn lots from seeing ourselves in the actions, thoughts, dreams and feelings of other folks. We can feel the external world as a reflection and it can really teach us. It keeps us humble. It shows us really clearly where our own Mind is. The mirror is a great tool to keep us seeing that which sometimes becomes hidden or too familiar. It shows details. Even those details we have difficulty accepting.
But in another way, the world is not a mirror. Joe Schmoe's problems may not be our own. He may be struggling with a different piece of the Oneness Pie. Jan Schmoe's anger or frustration may have nothing to do with us today. It may be her ball of wax which she's shaping and creating.
If we hold fast to the view that Joe is a mirror image of us, then sometimes we can cause ourselves lots of grief. He is part of the All that we are. And his problem may mirror problems we've had. But his problems today may simply require our compassion (because we can see he's part of the All that we are) and not a mirror image of who we are today.
I think we need to dance between the concept of life as a mirror, and life as not a mirror. Some days relationships will mirror issues for us. On other days they won't. Our Center knows. It knows whether it's helpful to utilize this concept or a hindrance.
If we shatter the mirror and the glass breaks in a thousand pieces, we're losing a valuable tool. If we stare in the mirror all day, we may miss out on so much of life beyond the mirror's view.
Opinion as of 9:59 this morning: Relationships are mirrors; Relationships are not mirrors. They're both. I think we kinda get into shaky ground when we steadfastly hold the view that they are totally mirrors, or when we steadfastly decide they're not mirrors at all.
Sometimes the world mirrors us and we can learn lots from seeing ourselves in the actions, thoughts, dreams and feelings of other folks. We can feel the external world as a reflection and it can really teach us. It keeps us humble. It shows us really clearly where our own Mind is. The mirror is a great tool to keep us seeing that which sometimes becomes hidden or too familiar. It shows details. Even those details we have difficulty accepting.
But in another way, the world is not a mirror. Joe Schmoe's problems may not be our own. He may be struggling with a different piece of the Oneness Pie. Jan Schmoe's anger or frustration may have nothing to do with us today. It may be her ball of wax which she's shaping and creating.
If we hold fast to the view that Joe is a mirror image of us, then sometimes we can cause ourselves lots of grief. He is part of the All that we are. And his problem may mirror problems we've had. But his problems today may simply require our compassion (because we can see he's part of the All that we are) and not a mirror image of who we are today.
I think we need to dance between the concept of life as a mirror, and life as not a mirror. Some days relationships will mirror issues for us. On other days they won't. Our Center knows. It knows whether it's helpful to utilize this concept or a hindrance.
If we shatter the mirror and the glass breaks in a thousand pieces, we're losing a valuable tool. If we stare in the mirror all day, we may miss out on so much of life beyond the mirror's view.
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this is so darned sensible, irresistible! hugs
sometimes one is standing in a circle of funhouse mirrors and until one whirls in a circle with a sword or a big ole sledge hammer, one cannot see past the illusion or the desired perception to what really is
or wait is it only another funhouse behind it?
taps the image gently with hammer just to see
Well, thank you, Nicole, I thought it was sensible, too. At least at 9:59 this morning. Melting hugs to you as well. :)
Elisa, what a good point. What if there is just another funhouse behind the mirrors, and another, and another?? I am so glad you tapped very gently with the hammer to see. Did you see past the illusion? Do you know what really is? A melting hug to you too, dear friend.
Sparkling reflections Kathy. The schome family demonstrates your thoughts Brilliantly. Everyone is not a mirror and our reflection may only be a flash of light in some of them. The thought of a mirror show no reflection. Focusing on a mirror creates the illusion we choose to accept. Acceptance expands beliefs.
Beautiful essay Kathy.
Love,
Hal
Dear Hal, thank you for understanding. I think this was written because of a strong desire to just put into words a concept with which I've struggled over the years. It makes it so much simpler to realize it's a both/and situation. The “mirror” is a concept. What if we move beyond that to realize it's useful sometimes and sometimes it's not? And that we truly know when it is and when it isn't. Writing this provided peace and that yessssss feeling you get. I am glad you enjoyed it. Love, Kathy
Kathy, your reflection has allowed me to view the world and myself from a different place this morning, even though you wrote this two days ago… so simple, so elegant, so you…
I was drawn to the last, “if we shatter the mirror and the glass breaks in a thousand pieces (we are losing a valuable tool)” or do we have that many more reflections of what we are, what we can be, and what we have been?
In my life, I keep hiding from the mirror, once upon a time, I lived in the mirror, in vanity and ego, now it seems I hide the mirror, because I don't like what I witness inside it… Hmm? that reflects back at me, accept maybe on Gaia, and friends on FB.
So then my mind/spirit goes to the “within/without” does our outside actions reflect our inside state of mind/spirit? Or vise versa…
See you do it all the time, cause me to ask questions, questions that have more questions….
Thank you for energizing my mind/heart/spirit…
I am Love, Jeff
You said it again, Kathy! I couldn't agree more. There's such a mix of how we see our relationships and the people in our lives. It is for us to recognize the purpose for it. *hugs*
how happy it is making me that you guys “get” this! That's what's so special about Gaia, isn't it? That we can share these kind of thoughts and people really resonate.
Jeff, it seems we keep enjoying the energy and insights that our questions are hatching! I think the best questions are when there can be multiple answers and we sit in the enlarged space that the question opens up in us.
Rachel, hey sweetie, you must be just about to go on your internship! May it be a blessing for you. Even in the mix of relationships and people who will present themselves to you, and the mirror/not-mirror of it.
I love that, Kathy- it's the mirror, and it isn't. Perhaps as you all say, because the whole self can only be glimpsed through all the people and situations and events we encounter; or perhaps because we sometimes leave the hall of mirrors…
Like you, I've thought about this often…..
I find this the most fascinating subject, Meenakshi. And that we sometimes leave the hall of mirrors altogether…yes. Both/and. It seems when the answers become both/and they feel the most satisfying and “right”. :)