character
January 2009 
When was the last time you behaved out of character?
Posted on Aug 21st, 2008
by 
Centria
Centria
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for August 21, 2008:
Do I have a "character" out of which to behave?
One of the greatest things about expanding the definition of the self is that you never know who you are anymore. You never know what part of the larger world is coming into awareness, and how you'll respond. I was a really definitive "self" for fifty years. Now, who am I? Whatever is in awareness at the moment.
So who would be this character that would be acting? If there's not a limited self behaving, it's probably human preferences expressing themselves. So when have I acted outside of my preferences?
OK, here's a story from last weekend. My husband and I were sitting on the deck in the late afternoon before dinner drinking our favorite beverages and chatting. We each have preferences for our favorite chairs, our favorite drinks, our favorite ways of relating. He suddenly decided he wanted to stretch out on my lawn chair. This was the signal that we were about to switch roles!
So....smiling in delight.....I took his chair, grabbed the margarita he was drinking, and lit a cigarette and smoked it very slowly, inhaling. (you have to understand, I do not smoke and do not even necessarily like the fact that he does.) And then began to talk about sex (you have to understand....he's the one that usually brings up that particular subject). His mouth dropped open. He just stared. In fact not one single word came out of his mouth for at least a half minute before he said, "hey, watch it, those things are addictive!"
It felt like, for those five minutes, I was the character of my husband. Memories of Kathy receded. Except maybe delight with this new opportunity to experience a new awareness. And then the character of Kathy began to re-emerge, with her preferences and desires and awarenesses. And I was equally delighted to see her again, to be back with this familiar awareness.
I only included this little example because it was such an extreme example of shifting the "assemblage point", to coin Don Juan's terminology from the Carlos Castaneda books. In reality, maybe the truer answer might be: this very moment.
One of the greatest things about expanding the definition of the self is that you never know who you are anymore. You never know what part of the larger world is coming into awareness, and how you'll respond. I was a really definitive "self" for fifty years. Now, who am I? Whatever is in awareness at the moment.
So who would be this character that would be acting? If there's not a limited self behaving, it's probably human preferences expressing themselves. So when have I acted outside of my preferences?
OK, here's a story from last weekend. My husband and I were sitting on the deck in the late afternoon before dinner drinking our favorite beverages and chatting. We each have preferences for our favorite chairs, our favorite drinks, our favorite ways of relating. He suddenly decided he wanted to stretch out on my lawn chair. This was the signal that we were about to switch roles!
So....smiling in delight.....I took his chair, grabbed the margarita he was drinking, and lit a cigarette and smoked it very slowly, inhaling. (you have to understand, I do not smoke and do not even necessarily like the fact that he does.) And then began to talk about sex (you have to understand....he's the one that usually brings up that particular subject). His mouth dropped open. He just stared. In fact not one single word came out of his mouth for at least a half minute before he said, "hey, watch it, those things are addictive!"
It felt like, for those five minutes, I was the character of my husband. Memories of Kathy receded. Except maybe delight with this new opportunity to experience a new awareness. And then the character of Kathy began to re-emerge, with her preferences and desires and awarenesses. And I was equally delighted to see her again, to be back with this familiar awareness.
I only included this little example because it was such an extreme example of shifting the "assemblage point", to coin Don Juan's terminology from the Carlos Castaneda books. In reality, maybe the truer answer might be: this very moment.
Access: Public
that is really extreme, and truly delightful! you astonish me daily, beautiful sprite
Maybe behaving out of character is the way I'm in character these days? Hey, maybe that would have been a good answer, too…..
Hee! A good illustration!
So, he drinks a margarita. What's your drink of choice?
What a delightful tale! I just loved it and it made me grin from ear to ear. I can just imagine the astonishment on your husband's face! You're adorable.
Emma, tee hee! Well, he doesn't always drink a margarita. Sometimes he drinks a bloody mary or a beer. I usually waffle between a glass of wine and a hot tea. Depending on the day & the season, you know. I was drinking a glass of white wine that day. I wonder why he didn't grab the wine and start drinking it….?
Ayla, I am glad you're grinning ear to ear. I am still grinning ear to ear at that look of astonishment on his face! But I think I was equally astonished and terribly amused to watch it happening, as well. In fact it's still entertaining me, all these days later, when one of my characteristics seems to be forgetting about things that have happened.
That was a very good story! I enjoyed that.
Keep shocking him, hehe It keeps life interesting lol
When we mirror anothers behavior, it is interesting to see the reaction!
I remember my friend saying to her husband one night in bed:
“Good night, she said”.
He replied: “Goodnight, he said” and they laughed for hours…the unexpected is the greatest form of love and brings much laughter and reflection!
:)
love you!
Aley
What a powerful example of the freedom we have to create our “character”- indeed we are not frozen, merely habituated.
I also love how this reminds me of the danger of associating the “others” in my life with their “character”….how often do I forget the exterior is just the robe, not the essence?
Great post!
Sherri….keep shocking him, ha ha! I can't wait to tell him I had Naked Coffee this morning while typing away on Gaia. (while getting into the theme of acting out of character, you know.) However it may just put him over the edge….we'll have to see…. :)
Aley, I can just see that couple laughing for hours with the he said/she said mirror. It's the silliest things that can get you going. Especially if you've had quite a few years of establishing patterns as partners. Then it can be so fun to break out on the boundaries for awhile.
Janet, that is such a good reminder; I think one that we all keep forgetting and then remembering. The character is the exterior: who knows what mysteries lie on the inside?
Glad to see all of you here this afternoon.
Rock-and-roll!……increasing age, increasing versatility!….versatility is the essence of enlightened living imo….in the immanence of embodied living, a deep spontaneity frees the heart of the soul from the prison of the personality.
Provided this freedom is reined in by compassion and integrity…..which, increasingly, I perceive you to nurture carefully and passionately.
Love, jon x
I am chuckling at your little story and at the comments to it.
I was wondering how I would answer this question, and could not come up with what the heck my character is in the first place. So reading your answer, I came to the conclusion, that I think we sometimes call our habbits - such as smoking or drinking margaritas - in my case wayyyyyyy to much coffee, our character. But do our habbits define us? Character always seemed defining to me, and as I am jumping out of molds, each and every day, confinment of any kind, including labels such as a character make me shudder.
I love what you did, taking on your husbands habbits for a moment, “walking” in his shoes for a moment. I would have love to seen the look on his face!
Hugs!
Jon, I like what you add to the mix: Provided this freedom is reined in by compassion and integrity. That is so important, in my opinion. We're here to help one another, I think; you help me, I help you, as we awaken together.
Phoenix, I like that you couldn't come up with a good answer to the character question, either. Habits or patterns seemed perhaps as good of answer as any. Isn't it interesting that so many of us are jumping out of molds each and every day? And you really would have loved to see the look on his face: I am still smiling, remembering it.
Thank you both for stopping by and commenting.
Great story….just loved it! So much fun!
Hi Ms. Star, glad you stopped by to read. I'm smiling just seeing your face….or is that Cleopatra?…. It was so much fun.
Hi Centria. I enjoyed your post and your story. It's good to be reminded that we are not just a fixed set of personality traits, habits and other aggregates. We are totally free to create and re-create ourselves at any given moment. If I could only get rid of all those conditioned responses…
This reminds me of the movie “Freaky Friday” a little, for some reason. The original, not the Lindsay Lohan version.
Couldn't sleep again, so here I am, reading a powerful story from you.
Que sera sera. What will be, will be.
Knowing that we're free from limitations such as even language gives me hope that the world will live as one, once again.
Freaky friday indeed! lol i found that book interesting to read first as a child, then as a mom… the idea of switching bodies with my daughter is… hmm lol
You guys don't know how much it makes me smile, seeing you all here this morning.
Lenore: agree w you! But….ooops…..almost feel another blog coming on…..about “getting rid of conditioned responses”. I spent years & years & years fighting those conditioned responses, when suddenly recently (sometime last year or this year?) I realized that I was making the situation 100 times worse through the fighting. It's a conundrum. How do we get rid of conditioned responses without waging war against them? (let me get another cup of coffee and think about it, tee hee!)
Eric & Nicole, have I ever seen Freaky Friday? From your comment, Nic, I am thinking it's about switching bodies with one's daughter. Oh what a thought. My daughter is coming home for two weeks next Thursday before she goes to Belgium for two months. Maybe we'll be sitting out on the deck one afternoon and suddenly switch roles….and I'll be off to Belgium!
Paul, another sleepless night? Well glad you came by to visit from the midst of your wakefulness. Hope you're sleeping now. I hear what you're saying: Hope for the world….hope that we can awaken from the fog of our limitations….. Blessings!
Hi Centria! Enjoyed my moments reading and feeling through your answer. Yeh, keep on surprising your husband!
My husband and I play that 'game' too once in a while. But the best one at it is our son. He's such a good actor and when he does it he doesn't give any warning so we burst into laughter. Often it happens at mealtime or in a lazy afternoon when we wonder what's next to do.
My first thoughts when I first read the question was that I am behaving out of character every so often but before I could even finish the first sentence, it struck me what is character anyhow which led me to respond as I did.
Hugs and blessings!
Hmmmmm….love your cookies, melts in my mouth! Am eating them naked, with a cuppa!
enjoy your visit!
Kathy, the premise of Freaky Friday is that a daughter is feeling hard done by because she is a child and doesn't have the freedom of her mother. She wakes up one morning to find she is in her mother's body and her mother is in hers. She quickly discovers freedom comes with responsibilities she is not ready for and is very grateful to get her body back, especially because her mom delights in being as impossible a child as possible lol. This is all accomplished by magic on the part of her mother apparently (never explained, only implied)
OK….deleting my previous response and starting all over again. (hey, I've never done that before, it's out of “character”!)
Mila, I still loved your first response. I honestly thought you were playing right along with the game. :) It's cool that you and your husband do that kind of thing, too, and your son sounds like a natural….I'm not sure what response our kids would have. Also like your idea that character is really what causes us to respond like we do. Hence the saying, “What a character!” Thank you for stopping by and sharing, dear Mila….
Thanks, Nicole, for explaing the Freaky Friday movie. I'm still thinking it might be fun to go to Belgium…. However, can you imagine how disconcerting that would be to find yourself in another body? Byron Katie, in her book A Thousand Names for Joy, talks about walking down the street and finding her awareness within the body of an elderly woman. Her first response was horror and upset and missing her previous body, but within a short while she began questioning her thoughts and pretty soon love for this new body and essence started coming through. Can you imagine being that fluid and flexible? The rest of us would probably totally freak out.
Kathy,
I've been standing in the shadows and watching with amusement and joy as the different characters come out and interacted to your revealing peek into that moment in time.
Some may call this voyeuristic behavior, but it's just one way to shift the “assemblage point”, by finally revealing my existence at this very moment in time.
My insightful comment is that i am in awe as we all morph into this thing called consciousness, spontaneous awareness, universal mind or what have you..
Freaky Friday is now freaky Saturday. Mila, eating cookies naked, with a cuppa!
Thank You Kathy for the mind expanding look into your moment.
love ~ lars
Lars, I am absolutely smiling thinking of you standing in the shadows and watching….but even more delighted that you chose this moment to shift the assemblage point and walk forward into this blog with your very special presence.
It is with a grateful heart that I too am watching this interplay. And the characters of the larger Self which come forth and interact. thank you thank you for adding your insightful comments to the mix! :)
Ha, ha, ha! I could have thought of my earlier blunder calling you emma as just palying the game. But honestly it was my blunder, confused with so many Kathy and similar names in my friends' list!
Yeh, Lars 'twas my Saturday in wild abandon - ha, ha, ha!
Your blog has fruited delightful responses!
Mila….Emma probably didn't catch it before the posts were deleted….but I was having such fun trying to figure out how to fully “become” Emma for a few minutes. But it's probably easier when you know a person in physical reality. Or maybe not. I typed a reply in “Emma” voice but “Kathy” kept wanting to jump in with her responses and adding things such as “…..” which Emma doesn't do as much.
Anyway, it was great fun & never worry about forgetting blunders on this blog! I have probably already forgotten what the blog was even about. But what is delightful in this moment is the wording in your last sentence: Your blog has fruited delightful responses!
I love the word “fruited”. You rock!
yes, by all means go to Belgium! think of the chocolate…. mmmmm :):)
Byron Katie is far more flexible than I. You're right, I would flip to find myself walking around in another body. So, we need to become more flexible right, and you are certainly on the right track, dearest. mega hugs
Nicole, I would probably be so freaked out finding myself in another body it would destroy equanimity for quite a while! lol…. So you think I should go to Belgium, hmmmm? Chocolate vs. staying home, chocolate vs. staying home…..oh man, this is a tough one! :)
Ahhhhh.. the thought of Belgian chocolates makes my mouth water!
Maybe we could all go to Belgium together? just a thought? :)
Just curious. I can't remember where the Belgium discussion started. Are we really thinking of a trip there? I'm going to Holland in October… hop, skip & jump. Them chocs is awesome. Oh gosh! Last time I was too guilty to enjoy them properly; was on a mission. Lemme tell ya, right now I would lose myself in some truffles et al
So keep me posted, ok?
Lots of love. Sherri
What a read, the blog and then all the comments. wowzeedowzee !!!!!! Very expanding !!!!!
But your husband started it by moving into your chair. So I wonder what prompted that, and whether he was in the process of moving into your “self” as you were moving into his…. I wonder what he might have said if you had not started talking….. (Just an alternate universe question, not a criticism of your starting to talk….)
I love all role reversals. I adore helping men on with their coats, for example. What a kick !!!!
Freaky Friday sounds like a good consciousness-raising film. A very profound one re man-woman relationships is Steve Martin and Lili Tomlin in “All of Me.” He becomes occupied by her soul or spirit, and half of his body is him and half is her. Only an actor as accomplished as he could pull off all the shenanigans with not just humor but pathos and compassion. It was physically and psychologically demanding for him, and expansive as well as entertaining for us.
Am also reminded of the Mel Gibson more recent film, “What Women Want,” in which he acquires the ability to read women's minds. So in a sense, he was role-reversed, because he knew their thoughts. It blasted his consciousness to smithereens (well, not quite to smithereens,) and the audience got expanded too !!!!
Thanks to you and all the commenters for the variety of experiences I vicariously got while reading !!!! :)))
Blessings to all
OM Bastet
OM what a suggestion! Thank you thank you for this new possibility, this new angle. I wonder what he would have said? You have just opened another doorway. You are right that he started it all. And he seems to be shifting and moving and expanding lately. It's been a joy to witness this, as well. We spent this weekend experiencing so much love, sharing so much, and I was in awe and amazement watching the love shine out of and through him. On Saturday we laughed so hard and long we could hardly pull it back together.
Interesting……. and glad you enjoyed the blog and all the commenters, too!
Sherri, I will keep you posted about the (possible) Belgium trip. My daughter is coming home for a few weeks, then going over to Belgium to volunteer on an organic farm for two months. So part of me is toying with the idea of joining her there for a week or so. And Holland was going to be one of our possible visits. Will definitely keep you updated! Wouldn't that be cool? :)