Moderator:  Ladies and Gentleman, please find a seat.  We're going to have a little Voice Dialogue session.  Please listen politely and don't interrupt any of the speakers.  We'll let all the different parts of self have their say....and your turn to speak will come up at the end.  Until the end, let's just be quiet and allow all the parts their full expression.

Moderator:  Hello.

Kathy:  Hello. 

Moderator:  And how are you today?

Kathy:  I'm OK.  Feeling a little sad today, a little melancholy....don't quite know why.....well that may not be true....I feel sad because there's a part of me that wants to be on Gaia 24/7 and then there's another part that doesn't want to be on here at all....I don't know....

Moderator:  Could we speak to the part of you that wants to be on Gaia 24/7?

Kathy:  That would be me!!  I love Gaia!!  I love the interaction, the connection, the friends, the grapevine shout-outs, the blogs, the writing (oh especially the writing).  Yes, I want to be on Gaia all day.  Cuz it's so inspiring.

Moderator:  That's very interesting.  Do you have a name?  Something we could call you?

Kathy:  I am the Gaian!

Moderator:  And you like your time spent here on-line?

Gaian : Yes, it is so energizing and rewarding and positive, except.....there's a part of me that really just wants to turn off this on-line world and do something else.  You know?  There's a part that feels so overwhelmed by so many people, so many viewpoints....there's just too much.  Too very much.

Moderator:  Can we talk to the part of Kathy that doesn't want to be on Gaia so much?

Kathy:  That would be me.

Moderator:  And who are you?

Kathy:  I am the part that longs for more silence, more time off line.  SHE is completely crazy....I do not respect her at all.....she actually wants to peek all the time to see if someone has grapevined, or commented.....she's nuts!!  She's forgotten everything we stand for, everything we are.  What about meditation?  She's even forgotten to meditate!  What has happened in the last six months?

Gaian:  I am NOT nuts.  SHE is nuts.  She just wants to be insular, to be silent, to be alone....

Moderator:  Let's let that side speak.   Let's remember to respect, to give all the sides their time to speak.  The side that doesn't want to be on Gaia so much, do you have a name?

Kathy:  I am Silence.  I am Presence.  I am.....I am simply vacuuming the floors without thinking about Gaia.  I am doing ANYTHING without thinking about Gaia.  Jeez....what has happened to all those years of Silence, all those years of meditation?

Moderator:  Thank you Silence/Presence.  We appreciate you adding your thoughts.  What do you think needs to be done?

Silence:  Well, obviously....more Silence!!  It's been an intense month.  We need time off.  We don't always need the awareness going in sixteen different directions.  She's forgotten her center.

Moderator:  Gaian, do you have anything to add?

Gaian:  I am certainly not nuts.  This has been the most engaging, energizing, creative period of my life.  It has been so completely wonderful to meet so many people....to move beyond the boundaries of the woods....to create blogs.....to engage with wonderful friends.  She's the one that is crazy.  This is everything I've ever dreamed about.

Moderator: Kathy, would you like to speak?  What do you think of these two parts of yourself, the Gaian and Silence?

Kathy:  Hmmmm.  well.  It is certainly interesting.  Both parts.  One part that wants to be on Gaia all the time.  The other part that really doesn't care.  How to exist with both parts, without feeling torn....there's another part of me that just wants to feel more balanced sometimes.

Moderator:  Can we talk to that part?

K:  Um, that would be me.  I am the part that wants balance.  I don't want to be on Gaia all the time, and I don't want to say 'forget it'.  What about a few days off now and then?  What about turning off the computer for a day?  What about not checking so frequently to see who has emailed or grapevined or commented?  That is what I would like.

Moderator:  What is your name?

K:  Balance.  My name is Balance.

Moderator:  Kathy, would you like to add anything?

Kathy:   I am looking at all three options and feeling a lot of different feelings and thoughts. It's interesting having all the different viewpoints.  It's strange....it's almost like the opportunity to express all these sides somehow....brings it into a clarity or sense of understanding.  Don't know how this works.  But I feel better.  Thank you.  It's like it's possible to hold all three viewpoints together at once, without blindly accepting or rejecting any.  Not even like the Balance is the optimal answer.  But really, something is coming clearer in the awareness of this.  Thank you.

Voice Moderator:  You're welcome.  Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for waiting patiently.  If any of you have anything to add, please let your parts speak forth.  You each will have your space.  If you don't have anything to add, fine.  The only request is that we allow each speaker his or her truth, without interruption. 

I'm taking a few days off Gaia now but wanted to leave you with this delightful poem by Hafiz.  Thanks to Zennie for alerting me to the fact that Hafiz exists!  And thanks to Mary for sending the link to poems like this gem.   (P.S.  sounds like Hafiz knows about Voice Dialogue!)



All the Hemispheres


Leave the familiar for a while.
Let your senses and bodies stretch out

Like a welcomed season
Onto the meadows and shores and hills.

Open up to the Roof.
Make a new water-mark on your excitement
And love.

Like a blooming night flower,
Bestow your vital fragrance of happiness
And giving
Upon our intimate assembly.

Change rooms in your mind for a day.

All the hemispheres in existence
Lie beside an equator
In your heart.

Greet Yourself
In your thousand other forms
As you mount the hidden tide and travel
Back home.

All the hemispheres in heaven
Are sitting around a fire
Chatting

While stitching themselves together
Into the Great Circle inside of
You.


From: 'The Subject Tonight is Love'
Translated by Daniel Ladinsky

Would anyone like to go hunting wild mushrooms?  It is SO much fun!  However, I would not recommend going on the safari without an expert guide.  It is definitively advisable to find someone who is an expert in the field before adventuring into the woods and stalking the wild fungi....

During the past weekend, a friend called up and asked if I was doing anything.  The answer was "Why, what's happening?"  When she repeated a long-standing invitation to hunt for wild mushrooms, I  took a deep breath and said, "Sure!"

Every time we've tried to hunt in the past there's been some sort of conflict with schedules.  So this time when the Universe seemed to open a few hours and shout, "Get over there, give it a try!"  I drove thirty five minutes across the county to reach her house.  (Actually, we were at her house the night before for a potluck, but that's another story....)

She and her husband own about 160 acres of all sorts of land.  There's wooded old-growth forest, waving fields of grain, swamplands and other unique terrain.  It turns out they bought a six wheeler (whatever a six wheeler might be) for navigating all around their property as a retirement gift, so we hopped inside the strange-looking vehicle and headed out towards Mushroom Land.

She told me story after story of different fall mushrooms.  As we motored along, she pointed out poisonous varieties beaming up at us alongside the trail, especially one speckle-capped lady called  Amanita.  I began to wonder about the advisability of this little hunt....but remembered all of my friend's years of classes, training and books.  She's dried mushrooms with her dehydrator for years and she's still alive, energetic and healthy.  As an avid spring morel mushroom hunter, I've always dreamed (well, occasionally dreamed) of learning more about the other wild mushrooms, but never mustered the will or energy.  Until now.

Finally we reached the tempting field where the beauties grew.  She rambled off names like boletus and maybe red cap with frightening speed, and then we began to peer into the dried ferns and scattered red and gold leaves, looking for the prizes.  After a few minutes, she found one.  And another!  And then I found one, as well.  It's quite exciting.  It's like somebody sets you out on a scavenger hunt, and every prize feels so satisfying.

Our mushroom hunt was looking successful.  However, the rest of the day did not yield the previous years' count.  She regaled me with stories of basket after basket of the lovelies.  But not this trip.  This trip we were lucky to find a dozen.  I didn't care....it was such a beautiful autumn day....good company.....the temperature mild....the leaves many colors in the trees. 

We found a tree laden with crab apples.  She asked if I liked to make jelly.  Never having really made jelly (versus jam) I still figured that it would be possible to make some apple-like jam to spread on toasts.  So we shook the tree until the purple and red apples fell to the ground, and then gathered them in our sweatshirt pouches until we looked like kangaroos.  We transferred them to grocery bags, and puttered back up to the house, as she told me more stories about how they had bought this beautiful land back in the 70's when they were really still kids.

Back at the house, still apologizing for the lack of wild mushrooms (as if it was her fault!) we clamoured inside her food pantry until she discovered the dried wild 'shrooms from last year.  She dug her hand into the sack and divvied up a bag as a gift.  Oh.....what a delightful aroma.....pungent dried mushrooms.

Last night, Barry and I fried up our batch of wild mushrooms, a couple of them almost fist-size.  About seven of them made a whole pan.  I added some garden leeks and olive oil and then simmered them in a vegetable sauce (with a dollop of wine) for a long time.  Someone said recently that wild mushrooms need at least eight minutes of cooking to be edible and healthy.  We must have simmered for a half hour.  Then we thickened the sauce, spiced and salted it up a bit, and served it over pasta.

Ladies and gentleman:  a culinary treat!  If you can find yourself an expert in the field, or a neighborhood class....do give it a try.  I am going to attempt another trip with my friend next season.  I need at least a few more trips to get the identification absolutely down....wouldn't want to get to know any of the more poisonous varieties more intimately!

Do we really know anything? Have we just made up stories about the world, about this life, about everything we perceive? Things happen....good things, bad things.....and we try to make sense of them. But we only have limited awareness. We can't always see karmic connections, possible past-life connections, soul teachings, the hologram of Oneness, the invisible world pulsating between individuals, events, nature. Heck, we can't even see beyond our noses half the time. It's a Mystery out there, folks! Let's just say we really don't know anything. Can we be comfortable with that? :)

I don't know what I feel today. It's odd feeling a bit confused, a bit shaky, interspersed with moments of great peace. It's hard to write a blog. And yet it seems important to write something, to just start free-associating, to share.

So where shall we start? How about with the Papago Indians? I am reading a book called "Papago Woman" by Ruth Underhill, first published in 1936. It's an anthropological study by a woman pursuing her doctorate; she went to live with the Papagos in Arizona and documented some of their culture.

In the first several pages something interested me. The Papagos didn't ask Ruth about herself. They didn't ask others about themselves; instead they watched how the person acted. That's how they learned about someone.

A distant relative came to live with the Papagos. Ruth wanted to know, "Did you visit the place where he had lived and inquire about him?" She was greeted with a stare.

"No," they replied, "That would only be talk. We watched him. We listened. That is how you tell how a man is."

I think about some other native stories that have been passed down. In other situations, in other native tribes, a visitor would come into the lodge, teepee or porch and smoke a pipe with a friend or elder or chief. Very few words would be exchanged. From what I've gathered with my own experience with natives, there would be a listening beneath words. One would listen for images, for inner guidance, for the voice of Spirit whispering in the silence. Only later might words be included in the exchange. The first voice was often Silence. And in Silence, much more was exchanged of value than in the talk which followed.

It's hard for many of us in Western Society to think of silence being more filled with information and wisdom than words. Yet, if one has ever spent long periods of time in silence, one begins to realize how much exists in that quiet place. One learns the measure of a man or woman in a way that can sometimes be disguised as words, words, words come forth.

I am thinking about so many of us with our thousands of words; I am thinking of myself and the ways I talk, talk, talk (especially on Gaia) and the ways silence informs my life in many more ways. Someone called me shy a couple weeks ago; other people think the opposite. Where is the truth? Somewhere in between, depending on the situation, most probably.... I think it's so easy to label people in certain ways, yet in other situations they could be labeled quite differently.

Today I am waiting to hear from my daughter, who has traveled from Belgium to Portugal during the past weekend. Who knows if she's arrived or not? There's a part of me that feels very comfortable with the not knowing; there's another part that wants to know that she's arrived and safe. I go back and forth between calm peace and a slight nervousness. Which is true? When we're both calm and nervous, which is true? That's the kind of thing that interests me....that we're so much more than a single label can clarify.

So what is the measure of the man? When we're nervous and peaceful, stupid and graceful, enlightened and ignorant....when we open the doors to perceive that we're EVERYTHING....what determines the measure of a man? That's what I'm thinking about tonight.

I've been pondering this morning the ways that our exchanges on Gaia are sometimes a little like a big Voice Dialogue session.  There's differences, of course.  But the similarities are also interesting.

In a Voice Dialogue session, it soon apparent that there's usually a problem.  Two of the parts of self (or sixteen parts of the self, or whatever) are disagreeing.  They're in war mode, defensive mode, attack mode, protection mode.....you know, we've all been through this routine thousands of times during our trips around the sun.

As humans we're setting and breaking boundaries.  We're expanding awareness, whether we like it or not.  We're seemingly on a journey that asks us to include opposite awarenesses in our consciousness.  As definitive selves, we're not always pleased to do this.  Or we may be pleased on an ideal level to use terms such as "Oneness", "unity" and "love"....but on an actual nitty-gritty level, we're willing to fight with gritted teeth to protect our viewpoints, cherished ideas and perspectives. 

So in a Voice Dialogue session, or in an issue here on Gaia, or in a discussion between any two viewpoints.....it seems like we divide awareness into polarities and then each side proceeds to defend the specific awareness.  You can take any issue.  Name a half dozen.   Enlightenment exists; enlightenment doesn't exist.  We should throw the TV out the window; we should stay informed.  We should be a Lightworker; we should engage the dark.  Obama should be president, McCain should be president.  Global warming exists, global warming doesn't exist.  We should bomb Iraq; we should not bomb Iraq.  We should de-friend this person; we shouldn't de-friend this person.  On and on it goes.  Welcome to the Human School.

So here we are in the process of claiming a self, claiming viewpoints.  And I'm not saying this is wrong.  (whoops, well maybe part of me is saying it's wrong....but that part does not get to speak up right now.  Shhhh.....)  In a culture, in a society, in human beings there are choices to be made.  We're not exempt.  We seemingly must decide, even if it's little things like "what should we have for dinner?"  (I want ice cream!  I want to eat healthy!)

Part of my life-work or mission (and that of many others who are tiring of what seems like a limiting old paradigm) seems to involve somehow perceiving both of the voices of the selves, inside and outside, and then embracing an awareness that includes both.   This is sometimes so tricky.  It's like being an eagle or hawk or chickadee and looking down at the scene below your wings.  There's a wolf killing a rabbit.  The eagle view looks at both....and doesn't judge....but sees the necessity of the pattern of killing, eating, existing, living, dying. 

From the rabbit's angle it's evil.  From the wolf's angle it's good:  without the food, the babies will die.  From the eagle's perspective there's a process of life and awareness being played out.  It's neither good nor bad; it is. 

In our human forms, we are going to continue our expressions, our dialogues between seeming opposites.  But can we also stretch our awareness to include dynamics beyond our individual viewpoint?  Can we do that and not be scared that viewing other possibilities will disturb the balance?  I know I sometimes can and sometimes can't.  When I can, the gifts are multitude. 

This is not about choosing awareness.  This is not a blog about choosing sides at all.  Through the process of talking and sharing a multitude of views, a consensus usually forms.  Whether the consensus is "good" or "bad" usually goes back to a sense of individual viewpoint. 

I am simply suggesting giving ourselves the gift of widening beyond original viewpoints, if one can, when one is ready.  There are many wars in the world.  This side claiming right; that side claiming right.  When one explores the opposite viewpoint and finds where that can fit in this entity we call a "self"....if one claims victim mentality, one might find the ways one is a perpetrator.  If one is a perpetrator, one might find the victim within oneself.  If one wants to be enlightened, is there another part of the self that doesn't want to be enlightened?  If one wants to toss the TV, is there a part of self that wants to stay informed?

Tremendous peace can come from expanding awareness.  Even with baby steps of awareness.  My prayer is that we can somehow embrace this awareness in a way that honors and respects the interplay of seeming polarities on this Earth Walk.

Oh, I think we've been through such a serious time on Gaia lately, we need some more fun and light-hearted play to cheer us up.  Thanks to Morning Star for her fantastic funny blog about Gaia from a news reporter perspective!  There's even an updated second edition to keep us laughing.

I think there's been some other more light-hearted entries on Gaia, as well, as the energy starts to shift and change.

Does anyone want to play a little game?  How about this one?  If you could go anywhere on the planet today....have any kind of mini-vacation you wanted....where would you go?  What would you do?  What would an ideal relaxing or fun or adventurous day be like?  What if money was no obstacle?  What if you just could dream to be anywhere you wanted for the next few hours or day?  Where would it be?  And what would you be doing?

Let's pretend.....

Underneath that log.  There's lots of worms and tiny insects burrowing about.  It's a virtual world that we know nothing about.  Who are you creatures?  Can we ever know anything about you?  Let's just turn the log back over into the dirt and move on.

Around the base of that tree.  Look at the animal scat!  What kind is it?  Must be deer.  You can tell.  It's easy to tell deer scat, and bear scat, and owl scat, but some of the other kinds of scat are challenging.  Owl scat with little tiny mouse bones is very interesting.  Wasn't so interesting for that mouse....   :(

In the garden.  There's very few growing planted vegetables left.  Kale, collards, brocoli, green onions.  And they've been frosted; hit hard two nights ago.  The kale is sweetest after it's been seared by cold.  Then it tastes lovely; before that it can be bitter and tough.  How many of us need to be seared by cold before we soften and become more palatable?  An interesting pondering.....

Around the house.  It's pretty peaceful here, but I feel like Spirit is demanding me to stretch my vision further, to understand more things not yet understood, to somehow return to the Center instead of fragmenting off in the zillion different directions, momentarily forgetting what always rests beneath and around that center.  I feel like recent exchanges have pierced me to the core, and I'm left not knowing what I thought I knew last week....and that feels shaky and confused.  But kinda good, too.

On Gaia.  I look on Gaia and see what's next.  What awareness is to be gained, what cherished belief is to be released.  Which friend means a lot in the moment; which acquaintance doesn't matter as much.  What blog is coming up next; what another writer is saying which seems utterly fascinating or interesting or intriguing.

It feels like there's something on the inside deep inside that knows;  the challenge is trusting that knowing.  That's where I'm looking now.  Towards the knowing that's deep inside, beyond all my ideas. As Zennie calls it:  The Beloved.  I'm looking towards the Beloved, that which knows, beyond thoughts, beyond, feelings, beyond anything except this precious diversity of Oneness, this pulsating moment of Now.

What exists in Silence is so powerful and pregnant, we could grow old remembering the fetus of its embrace.

In the Silence we pulsate towards something half-remembered, towards some vision we dreamed in sleep.  Surrender to it.  It will not betray you.  It dreams you awake.

Every answer half-formed waits ready to pounce into awareness, ready to seep into the hard ground of our droughted soil.  Silence speaks more word-less words than you've ever imagined.  It's almost noisy.  Silence brings together everything and merges it and the dance swirls around and around in misty lights, souls manifesting in the dusk, souls coming together and dancing apart.

Ahhhh, the Peace, the Peace we've always courted:  here, now, suddenly, encompassing.  Silence swirls Peace like silken scarves around our weary souls, and we're captured by the essence of a million stars sparkling without sound into the caverns of our brain.  Thoughts arise with substance and twirl away, part of the dance.  Only a Silence this huge could overcome the dream's rationality and spark it like a match of compassion, a match of beauty, a dream of fire sparking forth to nourish All it encounters.....

Mystical words, words that make no sense to Strangers who push Silence away, refusing to feed it honey and musk.  Silence wears a language of dreams, a language of nonsense so practical that each action births effortlessly from its beloved embrace. 

When the practical arises again on the morrow, or in the Now, lead it softly to the Silence and wait.  In the marrying, in the joining, the fetus moves within you.  You will not regret.  The cord nourishes.  The child waits for birth.

Wow, I am sooooooo excited!!  After at least six quiet days, what has happened?  From the bubble of silence bursts......Sound!  (lights!  camera!  action!)

You turn the page of this life and something new happens, I swear it.  See this is the silliest mistake some of us make.  We think it's always going to be the Same.  The Same friends, the Same energy, the Same jobs, the Same patterns, the Same Gaia.  And maybe it is for some people.  But for me, and for lots of other folks too, it turns out that this life is just a shifting crazy quilt of who-knows-what-happens-next??

And then there's the whole problem of Forgetting.  (yes, I know, I may have this particular problem worst than most.)  We Remember these amazing things, things that our Soul knows.  And then we forget them.  And then we Remember again!  And how sweet the Remembering is each time....

I had forgotten the Silence.  Seriously.  How can anyone forget the Silence?  But it had happened.  It had snuck in like some attack-viper and wiped out the edges of the Knowing.  Instead of listening deeper to what was below the flow of the moment, I was just floating along on surface energy. 

When suddenly everything erupted into a great energy mass a week or two ago on Gaia, suddenly everything I thought I knew dissolved.  Instantly.  Poof.  Gone.  (and it was happening with others, too.  Some of us were blown out of our preconceived notions and into new territory.)  And what happens when you can't depend on any of your thoughts or feelings anymore?

You look around, and who can you depend upon?  Something which exists always in us, yet we continually cover it up with ideas, thoughts, plannings, you know, the whole of our brain and emotional activity.  There's something below the surface which is so dependable.  You can call it a trillion words:  Higher Self, awareness, the Beloved, God, Allah, truth, the All, the Knowing....IT knows. 

So, when my mind collapsed for a few moments, something Remembered.  Turn to the Silence.  Turn to Awareness.  So when the thoughts came up, I paused, and asked the Awareness for its opinion.  Of course It doesn't answer in words.  It answers in Knowing.  So if suddenly an urge arose, "I want to go check in Gaia" I turned instead to the Silence.  And It knew.  Either It wanted to, or It didn't.  It was that simple.  Pure relief!!  Then another thought would come,  "I want a cookie."  Checkin' with you, Ms. Silence, and the answer was:  Yes!  A cookie would be lovely, or No, I don't really want a cookie.

And It didn't want to speak much last week.  It preferred Silence.  It preferred itself, apparently.  And now it prefers words again.  And what will in prefer in the next moment.....and who even cares.....because this moment is precious and tender indeed.  And much louder!   :)

Strange thing about writing blogs involving feelings. Let's say you make a statement or ten statements about how you're feeling.  Let's say you announce you're feeling excited, sad, depressed, happy, loving, angry or indifferent.   

You type it quickly, send it into cyberspace, and sit back to have a cup of tea.  Let's now say that five minutes has passed.  Because feelings can sometimes change very quickly, what if you're now feeling exactly opposite to that which you proclaimed five minutes earlier?  

It can feel very strange to respond to blog comments.....or look at a blog three or four days later which is still being read....and think:  wow, when did I feel that way?   

And does the fact that it's still in writing mean that others assume you're still feeling the same way right now?  

Of course, there's a solution to this.  Never write about feelings, unless you plan to hold onto them for days.  Let's say you're feeling sad.  And you really want to write about it.  So you'll need to steel yourself to feel sad for the length of time the blog is active.  Now is that possible?  Some people may be able to hold on to a mood for days....but that takes practice and determination, unless one has really worked oneself into a depressing funk or overwhelming joy.  Then it might be possible.  

The other option is to write a new blog the moment one realizes one feels another emotion.  However, that too could be problematic.  Because sometimes one could write sixteen blogs a day, depending on how attuned one is to the cascading feelings passing through.   

One could veto feeling-writing altogether.  Instead, say, discuss the saving of the earth, politics, the approaching feel of winter (no!  too close to a mood....which might change as easily as the fickle weather....), abstract spiritual concepts, the economy or other relatively safe topics.  Or one could just post videos or one-liners that steer away from emotions.  On that note, maybe banning the word "I" in blogs might keep things in line.  Just write blogs quoting others.  Then their feelings will be the ones which might be suspect.  You'd be safe.  

Or you could write a blog saying something like:  oh it's been a wonderful awful beautiful ugly annoying happy day!  I am so glad and sad and pissed off and overjoyed to have experienced every incredible sad stunning depressing and boring thing.  Can't wait to do the same tomorrow....  

Or, novel idea!, you could assume that others will assume that you are writing a snapshot of a blog-feeling that will undoubtedly change in six seconds.  And you can watch it all flow like a river through Gaia, all the feelings rushing downstream, here today, gone tomorrow.    I just don't know what I feel about all this.....

It's a scary time of year here in the US of A.  

That's what I'm thinking about these days.  Not because of frightening economic news.  Not because of the upcoming election next week which may change the direction of the current political climate.  Not because of the usual doom-and-gloom prophecies about the way the world is falling apart.  

No, none of that!  What's really frightening is....the moment of truth has come.....must we really come up with a Halloween costume and wear it to a party this weekend?  

The world is divided between two kinds of people.   1)  People who like to create, make, figure out, put together or buy Halloween costumes, and 2)  People who do not like to do this.  

My husband and I are in the second group of humanity.  However, due to some weird and unfortunate fate, most of our friends LOVE to celebrate Halloween, and costumes are required.  Every year, one set of friends hosts a Halloween Party in which we are eagerly urged to attend in creative costuming.  A good time is guaranteed for all.   

In our earlier years, we felt a profound desire to socialize, have friends, attend gatherings and, thus, pulled together costumes regularly for the event.  We grumbled.  We agonized.  We bitched.  But we did it!  And, of course, most of the time it was "worth it".  The first party I recall we went as giant raisins, wrapped in purple, singing "I Heard it Through the Grapevine."  Everyone wondered why we had grumbled....the costumes were a success....but they didn't understand the emotional cost of coming up with the costuming.  

Over the years we've put together all sorts of silly, stupid, funny, wonderful and awful looks.  The best costume (according to at least one person who still remembers) was the year we went as "Flotsam and Jetsam".  Now this was funny!  We wrapped ourselves in things like life preservers and life jackets and covered ourselves with sticks and debris and each wore a ragged sign saying (yes) "Flotsam" and "Jetsam".  Right before we went into the party, we threw water at each other, and made our entrance drenched and ship-wrecked.  Yes, that one was fun.  

The worst costume year occurred when we dressed as "Candles in the Wind".  My husband engineered to wrap us in some white foam-like material to approximate a candle.  Then we put flashlights sticking straight up over our heads, held in place by nylon.  We had a tape recorder singing, "Candles in the Wind."  But, in my opinion, and probably in the opinion of several other party-goers, we simply looked like giant penises.  It was rather embarrassing.  

In later years we began to lose enthusiasm.  Although the year my husband went as Teddy Kennedy in boxer shorts was funny.....and one year I went in a bathrobe with a face smeared with Noxzema.  My face broke out for a week after that little smart idea!  Then there was the year as a scarecrow, a witch, a beautiful woman in prom dress, and so on and so on and so on and so on......  

Finally, about five years ago we started making excuses.  Oh, you know, excuses like "ummm, I think we have to be somewhere else that night".  Or, "Our long-lost relative is showing up on Halloween, sorry we can't attend!"  

This year the Big Night is Saturday night.  We spent two and a half minutes looking for costumes at Good Will yesterday.  It's not gonna happen.....we're not gonna do it....it creates heart palpitations just thinking about it.  Far too scary.  What's a good excuse?  Should we say, "No, we have to sit home and think about who we're going to vote for on Tuesday" or "No, with the economy and everything we couldn't come up with the money to buy a costume".....   No.  I swear it.  We'll have to be honest.   

"We couldn't come up with a costume!"  

But then they would say, "but come without a costume" and you'd think, Yes, that's possible.  But how dorky is that?  There's nothing more dorky than showing up for a Halloween party without a costume.  

If anyone is still reading this, do share some of your best (or worst) costumes you've ever worn or created.  Or tell if you like costumes (like 99% of our other friends) or if you're in the 1% that despairs.  Or what you're wearing this year.  There's still time to come up with an idea, you know.....  :)